Love's Replica

 A compilation of poems I wrote from 2018-2019. I named it Love's Replica because at the beginning of my journey I thought I knew what Love was, but indeed I was wrong. 

Introvert

I don't think it ever bothered me that I was different. 

Different didn't mean special,

It just meant that I didn't sleep enough and let go of my stuffed animals.

A normal girl my age would easily muster up an excuse to go out,

I would fake illnesses to stay inside the house.

My house is a safe haven whereas I am a prized possession

Locked from the inside,

I swallow the key telling thieves I was made without a key hole,

That there is no way of breaking in,

My walls are built with diamond,

Its purity sanitized, unbreakable, precious,valuable.

I don't think it ever bothered me that I was completely normal.

My shoes are never tied,

I don’t fall in love easily.

I like playing board games,

I am a board game without players.

My hands are always sweaty,

Anxiety is not the reason.

I chew when I eat ice cream,

Attention is not the reason

I cry when a guy tells me he loves me,

My conscience  won the battle for love.

I have friends, but they are not like me

They are not like me, they say we don't have to be the same

I laugh. They drink. I breathe. They think.

The room falls silent and in the midst of silence I stand wearing my grandmother’s clothes. 

Mismatched in the crowd,

Dispatched from the crowd,

Undetached from my umbilical cord, I grow but never grow up.

I listen but never take interest,

I fall but never stay down because my umbilical cord leads me back to the arms of safety...comfort...belonging.

My difference defines me because I was not cloned but created from soil

And soil is a mixture of minerals, organic matter, gasses and liquids,

Just like I am a mixture of personalities,  laughter and unwritten non fictions.

People call me boring,

I call me unique,

I call me safe,
I call me his beloved daughter, 

not sought after temporary names,
But those everlasting. 

 Redder=Better

Bitter turns better,

Cheeks turn redder.

-E

Young crush

You had the personalities I could not express.

The scars I could not mask,

The eyes I could not trace,

The hair I could not imitate.

All of you confused,

Yet intrigued me.

With you,

The deadest of feelings rose up,

Within me,

You declared,

“Awaken heart,

Today, we become restored”,

And suddenly things were yellow,

And your arms were holding my insecurities,

The way you would an infant.

Careful, aware

calm , a gentle stare,

And though outwardly,

We never spoke a word,

I knew in a past life our hearts shared a dance,

And your soul gave me a chance.

-E

Close to my heart

Do you remember when I used to wear black?

When my smile would show my sadness,

And I would not feel the rain but the rain would soak me,

see,

I hardly feel.

But when I think of you,

I wear colour on my cheeks.

Erase the clouds in my mind that are bleak,

Stand tall so I can catch you smiling,

And keep it all to myself.

-E

Artists in disguise

If love could paint sunsets,

Ours would paint  a storm.

Brewing in broad daylight,

Dancing in perfect sunlight,

Brush strokes of density,

Clouds overturning,

Flickers of grays and blacks,

And hints of peach,

With each of us,

Standing in the rain,

With a paint brush. 

-E

Zero effort

You traded tears to be his accomplice.

Hidden in the background,

Beaten down by his shadow.

You were fooled,

Bruised,

Your heart devoured by demons he let hurt you,

He claims he still wants you.

That is hardly true.

Everything you traded,

And everything you recieved,

But his love. 

-E

Insecurity

Disturbed by my own thoughts,

I entrusted my life in the hands of a stranger.

Who noticed the plainness of my canvas,

And tainted it with his words. 

Everywhere,

Began to fill with his identity,

Even the creases that spoke my name aloud,

He silenced.

Unwittingly, I listened,

To the slowing of my heartbeat,

And the crushing of flowers.

-E

Gradual loving

I pray that people who fall in love with Abba,

Stay in love,

Stay in awe,

Stay in wonder,

Of his story.

Because there's still a lot to discover,

Still a lot to learn,

And still a lot to fall in love with.

-E

Found

I remember when I would close my eyes and see you.

Above my sadness,

But seated in my discomfort,

Assuring my doubts that I could trust again.

That I could learn to swim again,

Fly again,

Love again,

In all that I could not see you remained closer,

Guiding me through the exposure,

You, the composer,

Wrote my melodies sweet,

And as I sang I praised for once I was lost,

But because of you,

I am found. 

-E